Think.

A beautiful guy in my life.
Or so i think.

Okay, so my love-life is a titch bit messed up. First off, i fall for everyone.. And then, i end up breaking their hearts because they weren't what i planned them out to be. Like Ethan. We talk all the time.. very often. I fell for him, mainly because he was confident, and so easy to talk to.. But we met up, realising we had feeling for one another.. and it didn't go so great. I didn't like it. It wasn't right. And then we sit next to each other, and he tells me he really likes me, i just blush. I felt dreadful. And i crushed him.

But then there is my ex, Tim. And he's a babe. I fell for him when i first met him, in March sometime. I thought he was cute, well uber hot. We got on really well, and had that cheeky relationship, where we'd wink at each other every so often, and flirt. He was with the well known Beth at that point. But then we start talking on facebook everyday, and i was so excited to come online and click his image to have a long long chat. We saw each other a lot of the time, about every three weeks.. I meet everyone at explorers, you see. I saw him when i was with the cubs, and we'd sometimes have to speak infront of a lot of people, together, side by side. Then we finally camped together, this was in July. We did the normal, campfire on the Friday etcetc.. but then it came to the Saturday night, one legendary and memorable night. It was meant to be a party, which was pretty cheesy, but immense. Tim was stood behind me, while (being as small as i am compared to him) i looked to the front to see the main show. He had his hands on my hips, and i liked the intimacy, but he made it so no one saw. Then i turned around, and whispered, 'can i talk to you after?' he replied, 'sure thing'. This was only the start.

'What do you want to talk about?'
'Well..(i hesitate) i really like you' (i cringe)
'Awww' (and he hugs me)
That was it. Seriously.

At the campfire, he kisses me. My first kiss (cringe) i am so slow. But man, he caught me by suprise, and it was an amazing kiss. We go out, but this relatioship is secret.. And i hated that part. None of his friends still know about me and him. I want them to know! But yeah, after this kiss, we see each other on a few camps, kiss, meet up, but then we don't kiss.. He doesn't want a relationship. Then he changes his mind and wants me back. And then he falls for Beth. Again.
He now lives a while away.. down south :( And yes, he's in love with Beth. They've been together twice before, and they're getting back together again. He doesn't know what this does to me. He assumes we're best friends with a history, but i don't look at it that way.


Yesterday at a 'wild' *cough* party, we messed about, all 10 of us, explorers. Twas pretty funny.. and I got some attention due to my birthday, the day before.

He smiled, he winked, and he's now poking me on facebook.. Plus he's good at holding me.. Ahhh.. The feeling is wondrous. It makes me feel all nice inside. He's tall, funny, and cheeky. But i know of him, and he knows of me.. What exactly does he know? God only knows.. as well as his ex, who i also know. Yes, shes beautiful, and slim, and funny. And here i am, daydreaming.. Meh, daydreaming rocks.

What am i like.. Falling for everyone who pays me the tiniest bit of attention.. I feel terrible about what my heart does to me. It leaps, and yes, it falls..

But heh, my heart is jumping somersaults, Whilst my mind is looking at me shamefully.

I don't wanna be without you babe - Broken-Hearted Girl - Beyonce.