Ugh

I can't do this. It's nearly three months and you said you'd fucking be there for me and then the first month went by and you were "kinda" there but then you fucked off and left me alone. Completely and utterly alone and no one knows how I feel.

You were my best friend, Joe. I told you absolutely everything. And you told me it all too. I was there for you, waiting on your every word. Now don't get me wrong, we didn't crowd each other, but what happened was that i had to go to Uni but you could have stayed as my friend at least.

What sort of person drops their loved one that quickly without remorse. I can't believe it. I'm heart broken and my head and heart are spinning. Sure I've met people who I like but it doesn't measure up to what we had. I can't do this.

It's over. Game over

Joe said he doesn't want to be with me anymore and I didn't respond. He said he was sorry and held me while I cried. We did laugh at things though.

The best songs are the songs that move you

Even better, they are the songs that your loved ones make on their own.

I was at Joe's house last night and we had fun trying to fix his webcam, watch a film, play piano and such. But before I was meant to go home, he played me three of his songs. So good

This post was from a while ago!

My boyfriend: a fairly long note

My boyfriend is a talented individual, who goes through ups and downs.

For one, his parents don't love each other like they used to. I met Joe a couple of weeks after his parents had split up, but no one would have been able to tell. Joe can cover things up, like I can.

Once, I made him call me whilst he was in tears after finding something out. It was obvious that he was hurt, so I wanted him to hear a friendly voice, to be able to take his mind off things. I wanted to be there for him, to be able to support him.

In comparison, my problems are small compared to his. Although he does say that he's worried about me and my self confidence. I listen a lot to him and he's so thankful for it. He appreciates everything, as if he doesn't deserve it - which he does: 100% deserved. He's a beautiful person both inside and out. He cares so much for everyone and I'm getting emotional just thinking about this. He deserves happiness.

There's this awful feeling that i experienced today. Joe had to hang up on Skype, and as soon as he did, my heart sunk to my stomach, my throat choked, and my eyes welled up. It must be withdrawal symptoms because the feeling was crazy.

The annoying thing is... With all these exams, I don't know when I'll next see him. It's driving me crazy. I need money though, so work will have to do...

I got myself into a pickle this morning. And no. Not the vegetable.

I'd had one more hour in bed this moving because Joe was having an early night. However, having one more hour in my comfortable, warm bed proved nothing. I was more tired and irritable than any other morning.

The car journey to school was like any other - quiet, which allowed me to listen to my iPod. But as soon as I arrived at school, I got a terrible headache. What brought this on? So in the common room, I asked for paracetamol or equivalent. Elle had a back pain tablet, which apparently did the job too. No one had any water, so I took the tablet without. A couple of minutes later, I could still feel it and it was starting to spice my throat.

I don't want to tell dad that it wasn't paracetamol, but he warned me that taking tablets without water can be very dangerous, can cause dreadful vomiting which essentially puts you in hospital.

I must admit, I'm a bit worried now.

Day dreaming is a hobby

I went to church this morning and the service wasn't as thought-inspiring as it sometimes is. So, consequently, I began to daydream about the past and the future. The past being - What did Ryan mean about "being surprised" that Joe and myself were still together. And the future being - a cinema trip with Joe.

My family and impatience

Apparently this runs in the family, but sometimes we don't reveal it. For example, one might be given a present that is technological, so one must complete it (either setting it up or completing a game) ASAP.

The reason I bring this up is because I bought Joe a webcam for christmas, and I believe they are tricky to set up. But he's not done it and I want to see his face. Oh deary me. Mum explained that my family is cursed/blessed with impatience! It's just, I've only had him with me for a couple of hours and that's not enough for us. Although we did enjoy Sherlock 2! I sincerely hope there's a third!

I shouldn't even be blogging anymore

I was told off severely

People will know too much about me, will hurt me at the core and I need that core to be me... and Brother Numero Uno doesn't help

Regarding the love life... I cried again. Laurence told me a couple of months ago that he liked me, knew something would happen, would love us to go out. I was up for it, over the moon, stars in my eyes.

Then he acts a little off one weekend - he's flirting, then keeping his distance. The mixed-signals make themselves known, and I ask him about it, which is when he says he'll text me.

And so he does. And I waited ages, quite anxiously for this SMS and finally I receive it.

Apparently he's too busy for a relationship... wants to meet new people, rather than cling to me... if something goes wrong it'll be awkward for us and other people around us

So I have no love life whatsoever, and I was hoping that this one had a future. But they never do. Oh what bad taste I have in guys.