i thought i was to give up, i set my mind to it. Fifteen short minutes later, i can't handle it, my thoughts have drifted off once again. I'm thinking of him, again. His status still says he's single. Maybe him and 'Beth' aren't going out, and he's lonely...
He is always on my mind, no matter what. I haven't spoken to him in over 2 weeks.. before i turned 16. He said once i'm sixteen, everything will be okay. It isn't.
I thought, i need to talk to him, tell him how i feel
I look on facebook at all of the status'... And find his name.. 'Manchester with Beth Tomorrowww!!!!!'
ARGH ):
Currently heart broken, please try to patch me up. x
Read
21 December 2009
Temporary Madness.
More snow. It's lovely, I just get into my stuff and JUMP. It's great. Snowmen, snowangels, snowball fights (:
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. - St. Augustine
When walking on the snow, it crunches. It crunches right underneath your feet, the pressure rises through your foot. You feel pleasured by making a new step. Follow your own path, don't follow anyone else. If you follow someone else, you are not walking on fresh snow. It's a metaphor, to follow your thoughts, not your friend.
I'm currently inside (well obviously) writing or was writing my essay for Great Expectations. How does Dickens use language to create sympathy for Pip in the opening chapters of ‘Great Expectations’? Pip is a lovable character, no matter what he does. He always feels guilty for doing wrong.
Still ill with a cold. Haha. Dayum. Oh well, I'm in Ireland in only two days!!!! Can't wait. There'll be MORE snow and more parties and more family.. Yay.
Tarah for now.
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. - St. Augustine
When walking on the snow, it crunches. It crunches right underneath your feet, the pressure rises through your foot. You feel pleasured by making a new step. Follow your own path, don't follow anyone else. If you follow someone else, you are not walking on fresh snow. It's a metaphor, to follow your thoughts, not your friend.
I'm currently inside (well obviously) writing or was writing my essay for Great Expectations. How does Dickens use language to create sympathy for Pip in the opening chapters of ‘Great Expectations’? Pip is a lovable character, no matter what he does. He always feels guilty for doing wrong.
Still ill with a cold. Haha. Dayum. Oh well, I'm in Ireland in only two days!!!! Can't wait. There'll be MORE snow and more parties and more family.. Yay.
Tarah for now.
18 December 2009
The Galeho Field - Chapter One.
There was an old, large man, wearing a dark grey cloak brushing against his feet. This man was my Grandfather's best friend, an important man in our neighbourhood. He stood in the Galeho fields, looking across at the very field the war of the Nehon's took place. His name was Jovi, and he was the elder of our village. Hw wore a grey hat, he was round but incredibly tall. He had a puffy beard that ended at his chest, of which i had fond memories of. I remember when i was small that i used to play with it often, stroking it. Jovi stopped visiting us as often as he used to, when my grandfather wasn't around. They were known as brothers because they had this bond. A bond where they could help one another even if they were miles apart. They knew if something was wrong, they could hear each others thoughts, and if they were in danger, they would fight aside each other. They fought in the Nehon's war together, they were so powerful they killed off many of the Nehons. But as soon as my Grandfather died, it almost killed Jovi, no one knew this could happen. How could one twin die, and the other not die along with them? I thought it was better that one died and the other stayed, but I was told that it wasn't meant to happen. He was meant to go with him. But this is why he's so well respected.
She was graceful as she ran. My sister was tall and slim, with light blonde locks covering her back tied into plaits. She wore pail clothes, mainly white. She was 16 years old, older than me. We both were opposites. She was tall, i was small, she was confident, i was shy, i had jet black short cropped hair and small round glasses. I wasn't fat, but i wasn't thin either. It wouldn't be a shock to me if we weren't related, and i were adopted.
I'm forteen years of age. Me and my sister both have these weird powers. She can float. I don't mean in water, i mean in air, she doesn't completely fly, but she can lift off the floor if she's in an angry mood to 'scare' whoever it is. It doesn't sound too much, but my, does it make me feel so scared! She can also persuade people easily too. She can't do it with me though, mainly because our contrasting personalities can't take it and we both get wiped out for a few minutes. But she can do this with mortals, like our parents. My sister's other ability is to be quiet, she can creep on you, and you don't have a clue. As i said, she floats. I can hear what people think, and can lift those who offend me. The first and last time i did that was with my sister when i was ten, and she was twelve. She wound me up and i got stressed. It was the first time i knew i could do such a thing.
My parents scold us for using our powers. They try to make it so that we can't learn, so that we'll forget. The village is angry with my parents at the moment, however. They try to teach us about our powers, to use them for what they are meant for. Our village doesn't have a school, but they have tutors. These tutors tend to meditate up in the trees, away from the huts, and wait for the sound of a young one's presense.
My name is Zika, my sister's is Haii. I noticed she was talking to Jovi, but she wasn't talking her usual way. She looked like she could have been trying to persuade him. Because he was so weak, I thought he may have been convinced, but then he frowned and pointed his finger in the direction of the river with such finality, i thought she would have fallen over because of the power. I was shocked, I hadn't realised he was that strong. Since when did he get better?
I was lying on the grass, hiding behind the small hill behind the field. I always went here just to get some time alone, to find out what my sister planned next, to find out why she was always up to anything. I always wondered. I missed adventure.
She was graceful as she ran. My sister was tall and slim, with light blonde locks covering her back tied into plaits. She wore pail clothes, mainly white. She was 16 years old, older than me. We both were opposites. She was tall, i was small, she was confident, i was shy, i had jet black short cropped hair and small round glasses. I wasn't fat, but i wasn't thin either. It wouldn't be a shock to me if we weren't related, and i were adopted.
I'm forteen years of age. Me and my sister both have these weird powers. She can float. I don't mean in water, i mean in air, she doesn't completely fly, but she can lift off the floor if she's in an angry mood to 'scare' whoever it is. It doesn't sound too much, but my, does it make me feel so scared! She can also persuade people easily too. She can't do it with me though, mainly because our contrasting personalities can't take it and we both get wiped out for a few minutes. But she can do this with mortals, like our parents. My sister's other ability is to be quiet, she can creep on you, and you don't have a clue. As i said, she floats. I can hear what people think, and can lift those who offend me. The first and last time i did that was with my sister when i was ten, and she was twelve. She wound me up and i got stressed. It was the first time i knew i could do such a thing.
My parents scold us for using our powers. They try to make it so that we can't learn, so that we'll forget. The village is angry with my parents at the moment, however. They try to teach us about our powers, to use them for what they are meant for. Our village doesn't have a school, but they have tutors. These tutors tend to meditate up in the trees, away from the huts, and wait for the sound of a young one's presense.
My name is Zika, my sister's is Haii. I noticed she was talking to Jovi, but she wasn't talking her usual way. She looked like she could have been trying to persuade him. Because he was so weak, I thought he may have been convinced, but then he frowned and pointed his finger in the direction of the river with such finality, i thought she would have fallen over because of the power. I was shocked, I hadn't realised he was that strong. Since when did he get better?
I was lying on the grass, hiding behind the small hill behind the field. I always went here just to get some time alone, to find out what my sister planned next, to find out why she was always up to anything. I always wondered. I missed adventure.
Signs.
For all you who need that little bit of advice (:
Eight Signs ---> He's Not Interested.
1. He never calls you first.
2. He won't plan ahead.
3. He won't stay over.
4. He's vague about getting together again.
5. He doesn't ask you questions.
6. He doesn't call when he says he will.
7. He hasn't introduced you to his family.
8. His friends don't know you exist.
Twelve signs ---> He IS falling in love.
1. Does your boyfriend put his arm around you when he introduces you to his male friends?
2. Is he very affectionate, considerate and attentive about your needs?
3. Does he sincerely care about your health and care about your families well being?
4. Does he talk to you about things he can not talk to others about? Does he take your opinion into consideration before he makes a decision?
5. Is he interested in communicating with you after sex? Or is he interested in your life and want to spend time making you happy?
6. Does he tell you how wonderful you make him feel, and how you enrich his life?
7. Does he enjoy being physically close to you? Or happily shows affection for you in public?
8. Does he look for ways to surprise you? And does he put you first over his favorite sports channel?
9. Does he spend time in choosing gifts for you?
10. Does he call you or email you to tell you he misses you? And does he want to take care of you, speaks highly of you to friends and family?
11. Does he talk about a future with you?
12. And most important does he give without being asked and accepts you for who you are?
Okay, so i may have done a bit (cough - a lot) of research on this, but i'm curious. :)
Eight Signs ---> He's Not Interested.
1. He never calls you first.
2. He won't plan ahead.
3. He won't stay over.
4. He's vague about getting together again.
5. He doesn't ask you questions.
6. He doesn't call when he says he will.
7. He hasn't introduced you to his family.
8. His friends don't know you exist.
Twelve signs ---> He IS falling in love.
1. Does your boyfriend put his arm around you when he introduces you to his male friends?
2. Is he very affectionate, considerate and attentive about your needs?
3. Does he sincerely care about your health and care about your families well being?
4. Does he talk to you about things he can not talk to others about? Does he take your opinion into consideration before he makes a decision?
5. Is he interested in communicating with you after sex? Or is he interested in your life and want to spend time making you happy?
6. Does he tell you how wonderful you make him feel, and how you enrich his life?
7. Does he enjoy being physically close to you? Or happily shows affection for you in public?
8. Does he look for ways to surprise you? And does he put you first over his favorite sports channel?
9. Does he spend time in choosing gifts for you?
10. Does he call you or email you to tell you he misses you? And does he want to take care of you, speaks highly of you to friends and family?
11. Does he talk about a future with you?
12. And most important does he give without being asked and accepts you for who you are?
Okay, so i may have done a bit (cough - a lot) of research on this, but i'm curious. :)
Last Day.
7:00
I look outside to see a load of frost covering the garden, pretty. I'm getting myself ready for school, Last day. Mum comes in, 'Sorry pet, you just don't sound quite right.' It's true, i do actually sound like Brooke Davies in One Tree Hill.. Haha.
9:00
I'm listening to songs. Some songs remind me of him. I need time to get over him, but i can't stop thinking of the what if. It truely does hurt me. I see his name appear on facebook, because he's posted a status. I see he's still talking to a few friends. But there's nothing.
The definition of Crush: The object of somebody’s crush: the person who is the object of somebody’s romantic infatuation (informal). Most boys never realize that ignoring a girl who has a crush on them does not help, but hinders the situation.
This is where i feel i have more of a "crush" on this guy. I think i may have fallen for him, and hurt myself along the way.
I create scenarios in my head about what could happen. I hate saying goodbyes. And here I am doing both, saying goodbye. Letting go. And thinking of the effects. Will he want me back? Will he apologise for what he's done? Will he just ignore me? Will he want to be my best friend? Will he beg to see me? Or will he break my heart again? For all he knows, I'm still going out with Adam. And for all I know, he's still going out with Beth. I miss his hugs, I miss his kisses, I miss his playfulness, I miss spending time with him, it was never wasting time, I miss him.
♬Everybody Says: "Time Heals Everything." But What Of The Wretched Hollow? The Endless In-Between? Are We Just Going To Wait It Out? In The One Life That We've Got. - Imogen Heap - Wait It Out.
I look outside to see a load of frost covering the garden, pretty. I'm getting myself ready for school, Last day. Mum comes in, 'Sorry pet, you just don't sound quite right.' It's true, i do actually sound like Brooke Davies in One Tree Hill.. Haha.
9:00
I'm listening to songs. Some songs remind me of him. I need time to get over him, but i can't stop thinking of the what if. It truely does hurt me. I see his name appear on facebook, because he's posted a status. I see he's still talking to a few friends. But there's nothing.
The definition of Crush: The object of somebody’s crush: the person who is the object of somebody’s romantic infatuation (informal). Most boys never realize that ignoring a girl who has a crush on them does not help, but hinders the situation.
This is where i feel i have more of a "crush" on this guy. I think i may have fallen for him, and hurt myself along the way.
I create scenarios in my head about what could happen. I hate saying goodbyes. And here I am doing both, saying goodbye. Letting go. And thinking of the effects. Will he want me back? Will he apologise for what he's done? Will he just ignore me? Will he want to be my best friend? Will he beg to see me? Or will he break my heart again? For all he knows, I'm still going out with Adam. And for all I know, he's still going out with Beth. I miss his hugs, I miss his kisses, I miss his playfulness, I miss spending time with him, it was never wasting time, I miss him.
♬Everybody Says: "Time Heals Everything." But What Of The Wretched Hollow? The Endless In-Between? Are We Just Going To Wait It Out? In The One Life That We've Got. - Imogen Heap - Wait It Out.
17 December 2009
It's The Climb.
Okay, so i'm off ill, again! And i'm watching crap day-tv.. E4 - One tree Hill, the old ones..! Friends, Joan of Arcadia, AND SO MANY MORE. But all of them are boring, so here i am.
I was meant to be singing today, like all of the day.. :( But i can barely speak never mind sing. I just end up hurting myself (which is the truth in my case) I'm so angry, it was gonna be a beautiful song, with the rest of the choir, and I was SO hyped up about it (because it does sound rather amazing) And i can't do it.
I'm really hungry! And yet we have nothing at all in the fridge.. How will i survive? Erm, maybe steal something off the builders outside (hoping that they are still there). Anyway, I'm on the book of face, talking to Ethan (who is at school) about Christmas.. And his health.. And i'm also contemplating whether to give up on that amazing guy who i can't get out of my mind, yes, you guessed right. Argh, i haven't spoken to him in over 13 days. He didn't say happy birthday, he's not told me that he's missed me.. He doesn't care. And that's what i need. I need his amazing hugs, i need him to kiss me again, for our lips to touch once more. But heh.. Giving up shouldn't be too difficult..
I asked him if i could see him when he was over. He said, yeah sure thing, after i've had work.. yadayadayah... And so i'm like, yeaah :) But after no contact, i'll change my plans, and see my lovely Molly + beautiful Ryan and see how they are.
Jerk. He should atleast try to save our friendship. What ever happened to 'We'll never fall out, because i think of you as one of my best friends, someone i can turn to, someone to have a laugh with, we've been through a lot, and i never want us to drift apart, even when we're old!' ??? Such a ninconpoop!
There's always going to be another mountain, I'm always going to want to make it move. Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes you going to have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb. - The Climb - Joe McElderry (cheesy i know)
Speak soon folks.
I was meant to be singing today, like all of the day.. :( But i can barely speak never mind sing. I just end up hurting myself (which is the truth in my case) I'm so angry, it was gonna be a beautiful song, with the rest of the choir, and I was SO hyped up about it (because it does sound rather amazing) And i can't do it.
I'm really hungry! And yet we have nothing at all in the fridge.. How will i survive? Erm, maybe steal something off the builders outside (hoping that they are still there). Anyway, I'm on the book of face, talking to Ethan (who is at school) about Christmas.. And his health.. And i'm also contemplating whether to give up on that amazing guy who i can't get out of my mind, yes, you guessed right. Argh, i haven't spoken to him in over 13 days. He didn't say happy birthday, he's not told me that he's missed me.. He doesn't care. And that's what i need. I need his amazing hugs, i need him to kiss me again, for our lips to touch once more. But heh.. Giving up shouldn't be too difficult..
I asked him if i could see him when he was over. He said, yeah sure thing, after i've had work.. yadayadayah... And so i'm like, yeaah :) But after no contact, i'll change my plans, and see my lovely Molly + beautiful Ryan and see how they are.
Jerk. He should atleast try to save our friendship. What ever happened to 'We'll never fall out, because i think of you as one of my best friends, someone i can turn to, someone to have a laugh with, we've been through a lot, and i never want us to drift apart, even when we're old!' ??? Such a ninconpoop!
There's always going to be another mountain, I'm always going to want to make it move. Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes you going to have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb. - The Climb - Joe McElderry (cheesy i know)
Speak soon folks.
16 December 2009
To be or not to be.
To be or not to be, that is the question, rightly quoted by that well known dude, aslo known as William Shakespeare.
To be in love, and have something so great that everything goes perfectly.
Or not to fall and break your own heart?
You'd think that was a simple question, and it can be, but it depends on how deep you are, really. I don't know where i am at the moment. But it's christmas soon, so i think of having no pressure to think, and just to play with my sweet little cousins for 13 days. Something to look forward to. Only one week to go. I hope it snows, and leaves that crystal lining on the front garden, to sparkle in that light sun. I hope the future looks brighter, which is already happening. Mum got her job, hurray :) Only nine more days, eh.
- Just as soon as I see you, I did lie but didn't I tell you.
- As deep as I need you, You wanna leave it all.
- What can I do?
- Say it's true.
- Oh everything that matters breaks in two/
- Say it's true.
I'll never ask for anyone but you. - All American Rejects - Another Heart Calls.
To be in love, and have something so great that everything goes perfectly.
Or not to fall and break your own heart?
You'd think that was a simple question, and it can be, but it depends on how deep you are, really. I don't know where i am at the moment. But it's christmas soon, so i think of having no pressure to think, and just to play with my sweet little cousins for 13 days. Something to look forward to. Only one week to go. I hope it snows, and leaves that crystal lining on the front garden, to sparkle in that light sun. I hope the future looks brighter, which is already happening. Mum got her job, hurray :) Only nine more days, eh.
- Just as soon as I see you, I did lie but didn't I tell you.
- As deep as I need you, You wanna leave it all.
- What can I do?
- Say it's true.
- Oh everything that matters breaks in two/
- Say it's true.
I'll never ask for anyone but you. - All American Rejects - Another Heart Calls.
Evil.
Okay, so i'm not feeling too well. Infact this is the worst i have felt in years. Well, medically anyway. I have a cold, and i've just started having terrible nightmares. And i mean 'terrible'. This time they were based on christmas, which is very close to me at the moment, sounds cheesy? Haha, i know it does. But it means a huge amount. Anyway, i woke in the middle of the night, way too many times.. and eurgh, 7 o'clock, and i'm throwing up, and my brother (being the little prick he is) shouts at me to 'get out of the fucking bathroom'. No sympathy whatsoever. So i get out, in tears, shaking, and all that jazz, and he's looking at me, with that straight gormless face.
He's such a 'tard sometimes. He's so depressing and has no reason for it. Mum is so conscerned that she's threatening to move him to another population (to make him improve). He's a bully. He calls people names, beats people up, and when it comes to me, it's the same. I get so much abuse off him, it's unreal. We used to get on so well, but then all of a sudden, he's year 10, and he throws punches at me, makes me wish i was dead, and bruises my face sometimes. I don't know how ihe can have friends.. It's a mystery to me.
He's been so horrible for the past few months, you'd think he's be doing this for the past few years. Mum told me that he's bought me a 'really' nice present for Christmas. Yes, i do realise he has a lot of money, while i haven't.. But seriously? After all i have been through, and still am going through.. And he's bought me a nice present..? I wasn't going to buy him one, but then i did.. Something for his Wii.. But ARGH, what is going through his head? I hate this.
He's such a 'tard sometimes. He's so depressing and has no reason for it. Mum is so conscerned that she's threatening to move him to another population (to make him improve). He's a bully. He calls people names, beats people up, and when it comes to me, it's the same. I get so much abuse off him, it's unreal. We used to get on so well, but then all of a sudden, he's year 10, and he throws punches at me, makes me wish i was dead, and bruises my face sometimes. I don't know how ihe can have friends.. It's a mystery to me.
He's been so horrible for the past few months, you'd think he's be doing this for the past few years. Mum told me that he's bought me a 'really' nice present for Christmas. Yes, i do realise he has a lot of money, while i haven't.. But seriously? After all i have been through, and still am going through.. And he's bought me a nice present..? I wasn't going to buy him one, but then i did.. Something for his Wii.. But ARGH, what is going through his head? I hate this.
12 December 2009
Seeing His Eyes - Chapter One.
[Continued]
It was eight o’clock, on a Monday morning. Eurgh. It was terribly cold, but I knew I had to get up, or Ellen would get cross with me.
School was horrible. First off, they made us wear these horrible red jumpers, thinking we’d be warm enough, obviously not. Secondly, the lessons I classed as the boring part of the day, but multiplied by five.
The school was in the same city area, where I lived. The city was filled with vandalised barbed wires, red-bricked buildings, and old cars. It was not a nice place to live, and I’d lived here since I was three.
People were rude and violent. They filled the streets with the common fights, and eventual deaths. This included my parents. My parents seemed to get in a lot of trouble. They would get drunk, walk the streets, and pick fights with old teenagers, creating unnecessary arguments.
The roles had swapped. I thought it was meant to be me in all of the fights, getting home late, then finally getting a lecture by my parents. My life was flipped.
I had to look after my younger sister, who was twelve. She was worried about our parents as much as I was. And she was scared about their marriage.
They didn’t just pick fight with strangers, but also with each other. Their arguments weren’t unnecessary; they had meaning behind them. They couldn’t love each other anymore. I wasn’t convinced they ever were in love.
I looked at myself in the mirror. My long, brown hair was wavy from the constant turning in my sleep. I looked tired, again. I quickly cleaned myself up, and put a touch of makeup on. I ran to the wardrobe and collected the uniform and put the bundle of clothes on. Peering outside, I saw the morning sky. It looked dark, too dark.
I ran down the stairs, loudly, hoping to wake the dead-beings, my parents. Of course they heard me. I poured myself some cereal and quickly scoffed it down, whilst putting my hair into a plait.
Damn it, I was going to be late.
‘Jenny? We have to go!’ I shouted at the top of my lungs. Yes, she heard me. She ran down the stairs holding her little rucksack. She quickly grabbed an apple.
We got out of the door and walked up the street. We walked in silence, as usual. The only conversation we would have, would be about our parents.
I looked at the passing vehicles. School buses, Teacher’s cars, general cars... The city was waking up, and I was worried. It was yet another school day, in this miserable place. There was bitterness to the wind as it struck my face fast. I quickly pulled my scarf up to shield my face from the monstrous beast.
Then I saw him. Well I didn’t know who he was exactly... but I recognised him. Where had I seen him? I walked a little bit faster, hoping Jenny didn’t notice. This boy’s face was familiar, especially his hair, his deep red hair. Yes, I knew him! He was the boy from my dream! Of course he didn’t know me, but this feeling of seeing him in flesh made my stomach flutter. He was beautiful.
He was walking in the same direction as I was, but a few paces in front.
Jenny looked at me with curiosity, and then looked toward the boy.
‘Do you know him?’ she asked.
‘Erm... No I don’t, he must be new.’ I whispered.
Jenny nodded. She was the curious sort. A bit like me in a sense, as she would lock herself in her room and start painting, while i was the writer.
We got to school just in time. It was a relief; I did not want a detention, first minute of the school week. I walked to my form room and threw my rucksack on the table in front of me. Ellen looked at me quickly.
‘How are you this lovely morning?’ she joked.
I couldn’t tell her how mystified I was about my dream last night. I couldn’t tell her about seeing him. All I could reply with, was something straight forward and casual.
‘I’m okay thanks, and yourself?’
Ellen and I had been friends since year 3, when she moved into the area. We weren’t very alike, but we got on well, and became close friends. She understood me very well, until year 10, when I became really distant around everyone, after knowing my ability to see people’s past. I had found out some things I wish I had never known. There wasn’t a lot to tell about Ellen, but things became complicated. She noticed I was staying away, but she never said anything.
We left for first lesson, which was English. Fun. I walked to English on my own. I wasn’t with any of my friends; I was in top set. I wasn’t all too smart, I was just confident with the subject. But I always sat on my own, quietly.
I sat at the front of Mr Adam’s classroom in the corner, well out of site, which was the reason I had chosen to sit there in the beginning of the term. Mr Adam’s had planned to change our seats the next lesson, which I was not pleased about.
I sat in silence, waiting for the lesson to start. 'This guy' walked into the room, quietly. He was tall. He walked up to Mr Adams’ front desk and spoke with him, then sat down to the left of me, on the other side of the room. He was sat next to Jake, an annoying, childish boy, with no true brains... but the ability to stay in top set.
Mr Adams introduced the new boy quickly. His name was Alexander... I blinked with shock. Wow, how did I know? How could I have dreamt that up?
I looked back towards him and noticed people fussing over him, I quickly turned my head.
The lesson went terribly slowly. I hated it, people talking a lot. I wanted it to end; I wanted to get away.
I looked behind me. He met my eyes and I blushed. We looked at each other for a long while; he started to smile somewhat delicately, like he knew me, I was his familiar face. I smiled in return, and then turned my head. He was something new, something different. Something special.
He didn’t look like he wanted the attention he was getting, but at a school like ours, it was something to talk about, a new conversation. If someone asked him something, he answered quickly. I was desperate to find out who he was.
The school bell rang, finally.
After a few more lessons, it was eventually lunch. A time to think about the lessons we had had. The boring hours we had wasted. I was curious about this, Alex. And so I walked off, away from my friends. I was mystified by the aura he seemed to have, the feeling he left in my stomach.
I walked fast, searching. I was lost though. I didn’t know this part of the school well. So I turned around. It was getting nippy, and I thought I needed to do some research, so I walked into the main school library.
The library was a little bit scratty, but was newly done. It was small but had new bookshelves added. I looked in fascination to see people sat in front of the bookshelves reading. This was not what I had wanted. So I found a quiet corner, exactly where I had wanted. The shelf filled with books, on psychology. I sat down with my knees to my chest and a book on my knees.
I was deep into the book, when someone was moving in my direction. They picked a book up.
‘Mind if I sit down here?’ they asked.
I glanced up to see Alex. His eyes were blue and soothing, he was smiling at me.
‘Of course not, you’re in my English, right?’ I smiled back at him.
He sat down, opposite me, with the book on his lap. ‘Yes, I am. Sorry, but what’s your name?’ his voice was as delicate as his smile was. He looked at me in amazement.
‘Amelia. You’re Alex aren’t you?’ I didn’t need him to tell me, I just wanted him to know I hadn’t really paid too much attention.
‘Yes, it is. Wow, how were you so sure?’
I blushed in response.
We looked into each other’s eyes, studying one another. His hair was an obvious shade of red, a red you would notice a mile off. His eyes were large and blue, like the sea.
The bell rang. And I wanted to stay. I had to speak to him a bit longer.
‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’ he asked.
‘Go ahead,’
‘Could we perhaps, meet after school? Only I would like to have someone to show me places, and you seem to fit that place perfectly.’
‘I’ll need to let my sister know first, but I’d love to. I’d like to get to know you. I’m sure you’ve had a lot of people asking about you...’
He laughed at my thought. ‘Yes, they’ve been asking a lot of questions, but they seem to be simple. They have nothing decent to say.’
I laughed in response.
‘I would like to get to know you too, you seem really nice, there’s something different about you.’
‘Am I meant to take that as a compliment?’
‘Yes.’ He replied. ‘I’ll see you soon, outside the gates?’
‘I’d like that.’ I replied.
He turned to walk away; I followed him with my eyes. Stop it! Stop staring! Arr!
I had to get to form, I had to apologise to Ellen. What would I say, that I was out trying to find Alex, that I was in the library, that I was planning to see him tonight. She’d automatically assume I like him, which is true, but... I think he likes me. Or am I wrong?
As soon as I got to form, Ellen didn’t even turn to say hello. She carried on talking with some people, without acknowledging that I had appeared.
What had I done wrong, apart from miss lunch with her? Or was she in a mood?
‘Hi, You okay?’ I asked her.
‘Fine!’ she said sharply, with a sting to the finality of her word.
Fine... calm down! I thought that I should now stop bothering with her. If she didn’t want to talk, that was fine by me. So I sat in silence, aware that my existence meant nothing to a lot of people in this room.
It was eight o’clock, on a Monday morning. Eurgh. It was terribly cold, but I knew I had to get up, or Ellen would get cross with me.
School was horrible. First off, they made us wear these horrible red jumpers, thinking we’d be warm enough, obviously not. Secondly, the lessons I classed as the boring part of the day, but multiplied by five.
The school was in the same city area, where I lived. The city was filled with vandalised barbed wires, red-bricked buildings, and old cars. It was not a nice place to live, and I’d lived here since I was three.
People were rude and violent. They filled the streets with the common fights, and eventual deaths. This included my parents. My parents seemed to get in a lot of trouble. They would get drunk, walk the streets, and pick fights with old teenagers, creating unnecessary arguments.
The roles had swapped. I thought it was meant to be me in all of the fights, getting home late, then finally getting a lecture by my parents. My life was flipped.
I had to look after my younger sister, who was twelve. She was worried about our parents as much as I was. And she was scared about their marriage.
They didn’t just pick fight with strangers, but also with each other. Their arguments weren’t unnecessary; they had meaning behind them. They couldn’t love each other anymore. I wasn’t convinced they ever were in love.
I looked at myself in the mirror. My long, brown hair was wavy from the constant turning in my sleep. I looked tired, again. I quickly cleaned myself up, and put a touch of makeup on. I ran to the wardrobe and collected the uniform and put the bundle of clothes on. Peering outside, I saw the morning sky. It looked dark, too dark.
I ran down the stairs, loudly, hoping to wake the dead-beings, my parents. Of course they heard me. I poured myself some cereal and quickly scoffed it down, whilst putting my hair into a plait.
Damn it, I was going to be late.
‘Jenny? We have to go!’ I shouted at the top of my lungs. Yes, she heard me. She ran down the stairs holding her little rucksack. She quickly grabbed an apple.
We got out of the door and walked up the street. We walked in silence, as usual. The only conversation we would have, would be about our parents.
I looked at the passing vehicles. School buses, Teacher’s cars, general cars... The city was waking up, and I was worried. It was yet another school day, in this miserable place. There was bitterness to the wind as it struck my face fast. I quickly pulled my scarf up to shield my face from the monstrous beast.
Then I saw him. Well I didn’t know who he was exactly... but I recognised him. Where had I seen him? I walked a little bit faster, hoping Jenny didn’t notice. This boy’s face was familiar, especially his hair, his deep red hair. Yes, I knew him! He was the boy from my dream! Of course he didn’t know me, but this feeling of seeing him in flesh made my stomach flutter. He was beautiful.
He was walking in the same direction as I was, but a few paces in front.
Jenny looked at me with curiosity, and then looked toward the boy.
‘Do you know him?’ she asked.
‘Erm... No I don’t, he must be new.’ I whispered.
Jenny nodded. She was the curious sort. A bit like me in a sense, as she would lock herself in her room and start painting, while i was the writer.
We got to school just in time. It was a relief; I did not want a detention, first minute of the school week. I walked to my form room and threw my rucksack on the table in front of me. Ellen looked at me quickly.
‘How are you this lovely morning?’ she joked.
I couldn’t tell her how mystified I was about my dream last night. I couldn’t tell her about seeing him. All I could reply with, was something straight forward and casual.
‘I’m okay thanks, and yourself?’
Ellen and I had been friends since year 3, when she moved into the area. We weren’t very alike, but we got on well, and became close friends. She understood me very well, until year 10, when I became really distant around everyone, after knowing my ability to see people’s past. I had found out some things I wish I had never known. There wasn’t a lot to tell about Ellen, but things became complicated. She noticed I was staying away, but she never said anything.
We left for first lesson, which was English. Fun. I walked to English on my own. I wasn’t with any of my friends; I was in top set. I wasn’t all too smart, I was just confident with the subject. But I always sat on my own, quietly.
I sat at the front of Mr Adam’s classroom in the corner, well out of site, which was the reason I had chosen to sit there in the beginning of the term. Mr Adam’s had planned to change our seats the next lesson, which I was not pleased about.
I sat in silence, waiting for the lesson to start. 'This guy' walked into the room, quietly. He was tall. He walked up to Mr Adams’ front desk and spoke with him, then sat down to the left of me, on the other side of the room. He was sat next to Jake, an annoying, childish boy, with no true brains... but the ability to stay in top set.
Mr Adams introduced the new boy quickly. His name was Alexander... I blinked with shock. Wow, how did I know? How could I have dreamt that up?
I looked back towards him and noticed people fussing over him, I quickly turned my head.
The lesson went terribly slowly. I hated it, people talking a lot. I wanted it to end; I wanted to get away.
I looked behind me. He met my eyes and I blushed. We looked at each other for a long while; he started to smile somewhat delicately, like he knew me, I was his familiar face. I smiled in return, and then turned my head. He was something new, something different. Something special.
He didn’t look like he wanted the attention he was getting, but at a school like ours, it was something to talk about, a new conversation. If someone asked him something, he answered quickly. I was desperate to find out who he was.
The school bell rang, finally.
After a few more lessons, it was eventually lunch. A time to think about the lessons we had had. The boring hours we had wasted. I was curious about this, Alex. And so I walked off, away from my friends. I was mystified by the aura he seemed to have, the feeling he left in my stomach.
I walked fast, searching. I was lost though. I didn’t know this part of the school well. So I turned around. It was getting nippy, and I thought I needed to do some research, so I walked into the main school library.
The library was a little bit scratty, but was newly done. It was small but had new bookshelves added. I looked in fascination to see people sat in front of the bookshelves reading. This was not what I had wanted. So I found a quiet corner, exactly where I had wanted. The shelf filled with books, on psychology. I sat down with my knees to my chest and a book on my knees.
I was deep into the book, when someone was moving in my direction. They picked a book up.
‘Mind if I sit down here?’ they asked.
I glanced up to see Alex. His eyes were blue and soothing, he was smiling at me.
‘Of course not, you’re in my English, right?’ I smiled back at him.
He sat down, opposite me, with the book on his lap. ‘Yes, I am. Sorry, but what’s your name?’ his voice was as delicate as his smile was. He looked at me in amazement.
‘Amelia. You’re Alex aren’t you?’ I didn’t need him to tell me, I just wanted him to know I hadn’t really paid too much attention.
‘Yes, it is. Wow, how were you so sure?’
I blushed in response.
We looked into each other’s eyes, studying one another. His hair was an obvious shade of red, a red you would notice a mile off. His eyes were large and blue, like the sea.
The bell rang. And I wanted to stay. I had to speak to him a bit longer.
‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’ he asked.
‘Go ahead,’
‘Could we perhaps, meet after school? Only I would like to have someone to show me places, and you seem to fit that place perfectly.’
‘I’ll need to let my sister know first, but I’d love to. I’d like to get to know you. I’m sure you’ve had a lot of people asking about you...’
He laughed at my thought. ‘Yes, they’ve been asking a lot of questions, but they seem to be simple. They have nothing decent to say.’
I laughed in response.
‘I would like to get to know you too, you seem really nice, there’s something different about you.’
‘Am I meant to take that as a compliment?’
‘Yes.’ He replied. ‘I’ll see you soon, outside the gates?’
‘I’d like that.’ I replied.
He turned to walk away; I followed him with my eyes. Stop it! Stop staring! Arr!
I had to get to form, I had to apologise to Ellen. What would I say, that I was out trying to find Alex, that I was in the library, that I was planning to see him tonight. She’d automatically assume I like him, which is true, but... I think he likes me. Or am I wrong?
As soon as I got to form, Ellen didn’t even turn to say hello. She carried on talking with some people, without acknowledging that I had appeared.
What had I done wrong, apart from miss lunch with her? Or was she in a mood?
‘Hi, You okay?’ I asked her.
‘Fine!’ she said sharply, with a sting to the finality of her word.
Fine... calm down! I thought that I should now stop bothering with her. If she didn’t want to talk, that was fine by me. So I sat in silence, aware that my existence meant nothing to a lot of people in this room.
Seeing His Eyes - Chapter One.
Woken Up.
Doors opened and closed.
People were rushing, all of them I knew.
I stood in the middle of what looked like a to-be party. The hall was spacious at this time, and looked mysteriously dark. No one spoke, the only sounds I heard were footsteps, if that. They were all too quiet, considering they were running.
I walked up to my best friend, Ellen Young. I tapped her shoulder, half expecting her to run on. But she stopped. She waited for me to speak; only I was lost in thought. I stood there, wondering what to say. Then I looked into her eyes. Somehow, she was not the same. There was no happiness in her eyes, just pity. I wondered why.
‘Where are you going,’ I suddenly asked, without realising.
‘Do I know you?’ was all she said. It was a reply, but also another question. I looked at her in shock. I looked down at myself, to simply check if it was me. And it was. I had my hair in my usual plait, and wore my casual jeans and a tank top. What did she mean?
‘Amelia... Your best friend?’ I questioned her, with another question, funnily enough.‘No, sorry.’ She then ran off, silently.
This happened with more and more people. They all said the same, and it hurt to know that no one knew me. No one understood me. I felt alone. My mother didn’t even recognise me. They all looked sorry for me.
I stood there for too long, wondering what I was meant to do. What I was meant to say. And then I decided to run. Where? I wasn’t sure. So I ran to a corner in the room. No one even flinched.
Eventually I sat down, with my knees tucked into my chest. I grabbed hold, tightly. Tears came flooding down. There was something wrong with me, or unique at least. No one knew me like they should. And I hated school.
I could see things. Not things from the future, but from the past. I could see people’s history. Why they were late for class, why they hated their parents. I hated it. I didn’t like to intrude on people’s lives. But I couldn’t help it. I had to try and blank things out of my mind.
Lost in thought, I was quickly awoken.
A boy walked up to me, in a slow but confident pace. He was someone I didn’t know. He was tall, and had red, waves of hair. He had bright blue eyes, which stood out with his pale complexion. He looked as though he understood me, he didn’t pity me at all. I felt like I knew him, he was confident as he looked at me. He held out his hand. I placed mine on top of his. He was strong, pulling me up without any effort.
I studied his face in great detail. Searching for something. His eyes made him look young, but his muscular face said otherwise. But now he had blue eyes no longer, but a beautiful clear, emerald green.
We walked a short distance, outside, onto the porch. He stopped.
Holding both my hands by now, he looked into my eyes.
‘I know you,’ he said. His voice was strong and sounded convincing.
‘I don’t,’ I murmured, hoping he wouldn’t hear me.
He laughed warmly. ‘I can tell we’re going to be good friends.’
‘What’s your name?’ I asked, curiously.
‘Alexander... or Alex?’ He smiled at me and squeezed my hands, then let go.
Then I woke up.
Doors opened and closed.
People were rushing, all of them I knew.
I stood in the middle of what looked like a to-be party. The hall was spacious at this time, and looked mysteriously dark. No one spoke, the only sounds I heard were footsteps, if that. They were all too quiet, considering they were running.
I walked up to my best friend, Ellen Young. I tapped her shoulder, half expecting her to run on. But she stopped. She waited for me to speak; only I was lost in thought. I stood there, wondering what to say. Then I looked into her eyes. Somehow, she was not the same. There was no happiness in her eyes, just pity. I wondered why.
‘Where are you going,’ I suddenly asked, without realising.
‘Do I know you?’ was all she said. It was a reply, but also another question. I looked at her in shock. I looked down at myself, to simply check if it was me. And it was. I had my hair in my usual plait, and wore my casual jeans and a tank top. What did she mean?
‘Amelia... Your best friend?’ I questioned her, with another question, funnily enough.‘No, sorry.’ She then ran off, silently.
This happened with more and more people. They all said the same, and it hurt to know that no one knew me. No one understood me. I felt alone. My mother didn’t even recognise me. They all looked sorry for me.
I stood there for too long, wondering what I was meant to do. What I was meant to say. And then I decided to run. Where? I wasn’t sure. So I ran to a corner in the room. No one even flinched.
Eventually I sat down, with my knees tucked into my chest. I grabbed hold, tightly. Tears came flooding down. There was something wrong with me, or unique at least. No one knew me like they should. And I hated school.
I could see things. Not things from the future, but from the past. I could see people’s history. Why they were late for class, why they hated their parents. I hated it. I didn’t like to intrude on people’s lives. But I couldn’t help it. I had to try and blank things out of my mind.
Lost in thought, I was quickly awoken.
A boy walked up to me, in a slow but confident pace. He was someone I didn’t know. He was tall, and had red, waves of hair. He had bright blue eyes, which stood out with his pale complexion. He looked as though he understood me, he didn’t pity me at all. I felt like I knew him, he was confident as he looked at me. He held out his hand. I placed mine on top of his. He was strong, pulling me up without any effort.
I studied his face in great detail. Searching for something. His eyes made him look young, but his muscular face said otherwise. But now he had blue eyes no longer, but a beautiful clear, emerald green.
We walked a short distance, outside, onto the porch. He stopped.
Holding both my hands by now, he looked into my eyes.
‘I know you,’ he said. His voice was strong and sounded convincing.
‘I don’t,’ I murmured, hoping he wouldn’t hear me.
He laughed warmly. ‘I can tell we’re going to be good friends.’
‘What’s your name?’ I asked, curiously.
‘Alexander... or Alex?’ He smiled at me and squeezed my hands, then let go.
Then I woke up.
Frost.
it's a cold cold morning, and i notice that outside, everywhere is frosty. Beautiful actually. The frost is great to look at, but when you're out there. Brrrrr.. It's too cold.
I went into the town of Kendal today, and bought my brother his present at last. He's one spoilt kid.
I told Adam that me and him are bad together. I can't be with him. But now it's off my chest.
Ethan found out about me going out with him, again, and was angry and upset i never told him.. i had my reasons. But i then told him that i had split with him. Me and Ethan are closer again :) He trusts me again. But he told me that Adam will hate me for sure, this is the second time.
Meh, i have you guys..
I went into the town of Kendal today, and bought my brother his present at last. He's one spoilt kid.
I told Adam that me and him are bad together. I can't be with him. But now it's off my chest.
Ethan found out about me going out with him, again, and was angry and upset i never told him.. i had my reasons. But i then told him that i had split with him. Me and Ethan are closer again :) He trusts me again. But he told me that Adam will hate me for sure, this is the second time.
Meh, i have you guys..
11 December 2009
Too Fast.
Not only are people asking me questions about everything, but my 'relationship' is now in my hands. It's up to me to break up with him. But he should break up with me. I'm the bitch who wants someone else. I'm the liar. I hate what i do to people, I swear i'm cursed. I never get things right.
He comes onto facebook chat and say the simple 'hey'.. no smileys, which is odd, no exclamation marks.. no nothing, just a hey. I reply. And ask how he is. He isn't good.. because his two 'friends' whom are the terrible twosome, i know them quite well, and they can be bitches.. They hacked his facebook and found out about our relationship. Crap. So once i've broken off with him, they are gonna ask me questions.. Like last time. I feel so bad for what i've done. But what he hasn't done, is ask how i am.. And so the topic changes.. 'Do you still want to go out with me?' I do the 'Brb' thing.. and complain to Em.. Then run to the bathroom to throw up, because i can't take things well at the moment. I just can't stop shaking or anything. Stress i assume. I come back, and tell him i was sick. But he asks me again!! so i close my facebook tab. I'm worried, I hate this.
He's 'fallen' for me, but he's 14.. Two years younger than me, well technically 1 1/2. But he's younger than my brother! And that is bad. He's tall (again) and nice to me. But he's not 'it'. Argh. Em will not be pleased that i'm avoiding him. Yikes. Fail.
And you give until there's nothing to give - The Script - Fall For Anything.
Okay, so i went back onto facebook and hid from the chat.
I looked at my new email.. From him. It read:
'please just answer yes or no?
maybe you've gone to be sick :-s
if you dont like me, i reall wont mind,
w-b soon !
x i love you x '
Okay, it's not normal to be sick, and i told him i can't cope with things well.. but still he's not too concerned! Argh. And then he says 'i won't mind'.. he obviously will! but then.. the 'i love you'??? Come on.. that doesn't make things better, it worsens the situation by double! if it were a simple kiss, then heh.. but NO!
Serious rant.. :(
He comes onto facebook chat and say the simple 'hey'.. no smileys, which is odd, no exclamation marks.. no nothing, just a hey. I reply. And ask how he is. He isn't good.. because his two 'friends' whom are the terrible twosome, i know them quite well, and they can be bitches.. They hacked his facebook and found out about our relationship. Crap. So once i've broken off with him, they are gonna ask me questions.. Like last time. I feel so bad for what i've done. But what he hasn't done, is ask how i am.. And so the topic changes.. 'Do you still want to go out with me?' I do the 'Brb' thing.. and complain to Em.. Then run to the bathroom to throw up, because i can't take things well at the moment. I just can't stop shaking or anything. Stress i assume. I come back, and tell him i was sick. But he asks me again!! so i close my facebook tab. I'm worried, I hate this.
He's 'fallen' for me, but he's 14.. Two years younger than me, well technically 1 1/2. But he's younger than my brother! And that is bad. He's tall (again) and nice to me. But he's not 'it'. Argh. Em will not be pleased that i'm avoiding him. Yikes. Fail.
And you give until there's nothing to give - The Script - Fall For Anything.
Okay, so i went back onto facebook and hid from the chat.
I looked at my new email.. From him. It read:
'please just answer yes or no?
maybe you've gone to be sick :-s
if you dont like me, i reall wont mind,
w-b soon !
x i love you x '
Okay, it's not normal to be sick, and i told him i can't cope with things well.. but still he's not too concerned! Argh. And then he says 'i won't mind'.. he obviously will! but then.. the 'i love you'??? Come on.. that doesn't make things better, it worsens the situation by double! if it were a simple kiss, then heh.. but NO!
Serious rant.. :(
Family.
I have two parents. Both of which i love lots.
My mum is half irish, well technically she was born in London but grew up in Ireland and London. But we have a huge irish family, and man do i love them all.
My mum is a very strong character, and i look like her. She's wonderful, but strict too. I wasn't allowed a phone until tuesday (my birthday if you didn't already know)And i'm still not allowed msn, which i already have. Then there's facebook, i have it, now allowed it, but not on it too much... But i am! Mwuhahahaaa. But seriously!
Anyway, she's going through a lot at the moment. Not only are we going to Ireland this Christmas, she's been made redundant, so she's had to apply for one job, then she was declined, and now for job number two. It's not a great year for us.
My dad lost his dad last year, and it was horrible for us all. I can't think he's gone. But dad is always great. I get on with him so well.. the occasional argument, but heh.
However i have a brother, called Will, only 18 months younger than me. And he is the worst. He's a depressing so and so, and no one knows why. He has no girl troubles that i know of, and he complains about everything there is to. He beats me up on a regular basis, and i end up coming out with bruises all over my body. Yes, he was small, but now he's taller than me. He calls himself an emo, who doesn't hurt themself, but he calls me the wannabe emo who is suicidal, and he hasn't got that wrong. He calls me the geek of the family, but he comes out with better grades than me.. how did that happen?
Meh, rant over. :)
☃ <--- Look at my Cuuuute christmassy snowman :) schweet.
My mum is half irish, well technically she was born in London but grew up in Ireland and London. But we have a huge irish family, and man do i love them all.
My mum is a very strong character, and i look like her. She's wonderful, but strict too. I wasn't allowed a phone until tuesday (my birthday if you didn't already know)And i'm still not allowed msn, which i already have. Then there's facebook, i have it, now allowed it, but not on it too much... But i am! Mwuhahahaaa. But seriously!
Anyway, she's going through a lot at the moment. Not only are we going to Ireland this Christmas, she's been made redundant, so she's had to apply for one job, then she was declined, and now for job number two. It's not a great year for us.
My dad lost his dad last year, and it was horrible for us all. I can't think he's gone. But dad is always great. I get on with him so well.. the occasional argument, but heh.
However i have a brother, called Will, only 18 months younger than me. And he is the worst. He's a depressing so and so, and no one knows why. He has no girl troubles that i know of, and he complains about everything there is to. He beats me up on a regular basis, and i end up coming out with bruises all over my body. Yes, he was small, but now he's taller than me. He calls himself an emo, who doesn't hurt themself, but he calls me the wannabe emo who is suicidal, and he hasn't got that wrong. He calls me the geek of the family, but he comes out with better grades than me.. how did that happen?
Meh, rant over. :)
☃ <--- Look at my Cuuuute christmassy snowman :) schweet.
10 December 2009
Think.
A beautiful guy in my life.
Or so i think.
Okay, so my love-life is a titch bit messed up. First off, i fall for everyone.. And then, i end up breaking their hearts because they weren't what i planned them out to be. Like Ethan. We talk all the time.. very often. I fell for him, mainly because he was confident, and so easy to talk to.. But we met up, realising we had feeling for one another.. and it didn't go so great. I didn't like it. It wasn't right. And then we sit next to each other, and he tells me he really likes me, i just blush. I felt dreadful. And i crushed him.
But then there is my ex, Tim. And he's a babe. I fell for him when i first met him, in March sometime. I thought he was cute, well uber hot. We got on really well, and had that cheeky relationship, where we'd wink at each other every so often, and flirt. He was with the well known Beth at that point. But then we start talking on facebook everyday, and i was so excited to come online and click his image to have a long long chat. We saw each other a lot of the time, about every three weeks.. I meet everyone at explorers, you see. I saw him when i was with the cubs, and we'd sometimes have to speak infront of a lot of people, together, side by side. Then we finally camped together, this was in July. We did the normal, campfire on the Friday etcetc.. but then it came to the Saturday night, one legendary and memorable night. It was meant to be a party, which was pretty cheesy, but immense. Tim was stood behind me, while (being as small as i am compared to him) i looked to the front to see the main show. He had his hands on my hips, and i liked the intimacy, but he made it so no one saw. Then i turned around, and whispered, 'can i talk to you after?' he replied, 'sure thing'. This was only the start.
'What do you want to talk about?'
'Well..(i hesitate) i really like you' (i cringe)
'Awww' (and he hugs me)
That was it. Seriously.
At the campfire, he kisses me. My first kiss (cringe) i am so slow. But man, he caught me by suprise, and it was an amazing kiss. We go out, but this relatioship is secret.. And i hated that part. None of his friends still know about me and him. I want them to know! But yeah, after this kiss, we see each other on a few camps, kiss, meet up, but then we don't kiss.. He doesn't want a relationship. Then he changes his mind and wants me back. And then he falls for Beth. Again.
He now lives a while away.. down south :( And yes, he's in love with Beth. They've been together twice before, and they're getting back together again. He doesn't know what this does to me. He assumes we're best friends with a history, but i don't look at it that way.
Yesterday at a 'wild' *cough* party, we messed about, all 10 of us, explorers. Twas pretty funny.. and I got some attention due to my birthday, the day before.
He smiled, he winked, and he's now poking me on facebook.. Plus he's good at holding me.. Ahhh.. The feeling is wondrous. It makes me feel all nice inside. He's tall, funny, and cheeky. But i know of him, and he knows of me.. What exactly does he know? God only knows.. as well as his ex, who i also know. Yes, shes beautiful, and slim, and funny. And here i am, daydreaming.. Meh, daydreaming rocks.
What am i like.. Falling for everyone who pays me the tiniest bit of attention.. I feel terrible about what my heart does to me. It leaps, and yes, it falls..
But heh, my heart is jumping somersaults, Whilst my mind is looking at me shamefully.
I don't wanna be without you babe - Broken-Hearted Girl - Beyonce.
Or so i think.
Okay, so my love-life is a titch bit messed up. First off, i fall for everyone.. And then, i end up breaking their hearts because they weren't what i planned them out to be. Like Ethan. We talk all the time.. very often. I fell for him, mainly because he was confident, and so easy to talk to.. But we met up, realising we had feeling for one another.. and it didn't go so great. I didn't like it. It wasn't right. And then we sit next to each other, and he tells me he really likes me, i just blush. I felt dreadful. And i crushed him.
But then there is my ex, Tim. And he's a babe. I fell for him when i first met him, in March sometime. I thought he was cute, well uber hot. We got on really well, and had that cheeky relationship, where we'd wink at each other every so often, and flirt. He was with the well known Beth at that point. But then we start talking on facebook everyday, and i was so excited to come online and click his image to have a long long chat. We saw each other a lot of the time, about every three weeks.. I meet everyone at explorers, you see. I saw him when i was with the cubs, and we'd sometimes have to speak infront of a lot of people, together, side by side. Then we finally camped together, this was in July. We did the normal, campfire on the Friday etcetc.. but then it came to the Saturday night, one legendary and memorable night. It was meant to be a party, which was pretty cheesy, but immense. Tim was stood behind me, while (being as small as i am compared to him) i looked to the front to see the main show. He had his hands on my hips, and i liked the intimacy, but he made it so no one saw. Then i turned around, and whispered, 'can i talk to you after?' he replied, 'sure thing'. This was only the start.
'What do you want to talk about?'
'Well..(i hesitate) i really like you' (i cringe)
'Awww' (and he hugs me)
That was it. Seriously.
At the campfire, he kisses me. My first kiss (cringe) i am so slow. But man, he caught me by suprise, and it was an amazing kiss. We go out, but this relatioship is secret.. And i hated that part. None of his friends still know about me and him. I want them to know! But yeah, after this kiss, we see each other on a few camps, kiss, meet up, but then we don't kiss.. He doesn't want a relationship. Then he changes his mind and wants me back. And then he falls for Beth. Again.
He now lives a while away.. down south :( And yes, he's in love with Beth. They've been together twice before, and they're getting back together again. He doesn't know what this does to me. He assumes we're best friends with a history, but i don't look at it that way.
Yesterday at a 'wild' *cough* party, we messed about, all 10 of us, explorers. Twas pretty funny.. and I got some attention due to my birthday, the day before.
He smiled, he winked, and he's now poking me on facebook.. Plus he's good at holding me.. Ahhh.. The feeling is wondrous. It makes me feel all nice inside. He's tall, funny, and cheeky. But i know of him, and he knows of me.. What exactly does he know? God only knows.. as well as his ex, who i also know. Yes, shes beautiful, and slim, and funny. And here i am, daydreaming.. Meh, daydreaming rocks.
What am i like.. Falling for everyone who pays me the tiniest bit of attention.. I feel terrible about what my heart does to me. It leaps, and yes, it falls..
But heh, my heart is jumping somersaults, Whilst my mind is looking at me shamefully.
I don't wanna be without you babe - Broken-Hearted Girl - Beyonce.
Bad.
Talked to my lovely friend today.. His parents have split, and he hates life.. What am i to say? I feel terribly guilty that i made things worse for him, but now i feel dreadful. Does life get better for someone if they never seek help?
Love-life
I'm currently in a 'relationship' if thats what you call something whereas you are meant to be going out, only one of the participants isn't so sure. I hate this feeling, and i've had it before, and yes, with the same guy.. Not good to be honest. He's lovely.. But he's too lovey dovey for me, i'm the giddy-sort, who craves adventure and laughter. My ex is exactly that! But a) he's after another girl, who's pretty, taller, and more mature than i am.. and b) He loves her, he's only partially 'loved' me. He currently lives down south, and he comes up every so often.. I get to see him soon though.. But seriously, who will be my knight in shining armour, to save me from my own torturous tower? I only dream.
Sleep well darling, Wherever you are, I hope that you're happy tonight. And maybe you found someone who will love you right. Sleep well darling, I'm desperate to say now I need you more than ever, but all I could say was goodnight - Sun - Daphne Loves Derby.
Love-life
I'm currently in a 'relationship' if thats what you call something whereas you are meant to be going out, only one of the participants isn't so sure. I hate this feeling, and i've had it before, and yes, with the same guy.. Not good to be honest. He's lovely.. But he's too lovey dovey for me, i'm the giddy-sort, who craves adventure and laughter. My ex is exactly that! But a) he's after another girl, who's pretty, taller, and more mature than i am.. and b) He loves her, he's only partially 'loved' me. He currently lives down south, and he comes up every so often.. I get to see him soon though.. But seriously, who will be my knight in shining armour, to save me from my own torturous tower? I only dream.
Sleep well darling, Wherever you are, I hope that you're happy tonight. And maybe you found someone who will love you right. Sleep well darling, I'm desperate to say now I need you more than ever, but all I could say was goodnight - Sun - Daphne Loves Derby.
Finally Blogged.
This morning i realised that not only did my iPod docking station break, but i have also locked myself out of the new phone.. And The mother is cross with me, yet again! There's no pleasing her. But bless her, work isn't great for her either, adding on the problems the house is causing us.. We're getting a new roof, but also new ceilings! (Small rant)
I just had my Christianity exam today. And yes, it did happen to ask me about the views on homosexuality, and no, i didn't know what to put.. It was an 8 mark question too! Argh, what are the chances? (More rants)
Love-life = Nill. Or so I say.....?
I just had my Christianity exam today. And yes, it did happen to ask me about the views on homosexuality, and no, i didn't know what to put.. It was an 8 mark question too! Argh, what are the chances? (More rants)
Love-life = Nill. Or so I say.....?
I started blogging, mainly because i was reading over Emily's shoulder and asked what she was doing, and now i feel hooked. I want to tell people everything. I hide my true feelings, and only a small selection of people know what i go through, and only two of them know what i end up doing to myself. It's dreadful, and it pains me.
In the broken hearts parade, And I putting my heart out on display there's no, Masquerade, just a funeral march for love today. The band strikes up and they're playing our song. Dressed in black and we're singing along, to the, Broken hearts parade. And I've never been better then I am today
Okay, about me.
I've just turned 16, and there wasn't anything too special about it either. I live avec ma famille. I love them, but GOD does my younger brother annoy me. I go to this school not too far away. Is it good? It's not too bad. I know that there are worse schools out there. I like to dance, a lot. I started when i was an ickle three year old, doing ballet. Twas cute. I still dance, now. I dance with this company and we do performances every so often. Love it. I also act, but only occasionally. I love to act, it is my passion, but i have no oppurtunities too, which sucks ass. I've done panto's before, where i was the main characters etc etc, but the big companies are all booked up.. So i have to cope with school. Eurgh. I also sing, but not as often as the other two. I've had to sing infront of school friends, for my 'performance awareness'. Yawn. I'm not too bad at singing, but i'm not too confident with it. I'm with these Explorer Scouts, and i have made so many new friends, all of whom i love. They're all ace.
Me, over.
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