Did this make you laugh as much as me?

Addiction of the Day is...

(Drum roll please)

COFFEE with milk and sugar.

I normally used to have it without the above. Smeh. It's niiiiice.

As are pancakes ;D

Uh-oh.

Mom got back (she passed her exams!) But told me off for uploading the wrong piece of work for my ICT. Eurgh. THE TEACHER WAS THERE WHEN I UPLOADED IT. Silly Mrs Bennett. Fancy telling my mum I did something else wrong. Do you not know how much shit I am now in? Seriously? What is the point in emailing my parents. I'm already one of your best students. Tsch, fine, betray me, see if I care. :(

Seriously, pull yourself together. Please don't cry. You've done so well today. Your mom didn't mean to be so harsh. Just talk to your teacher when you get back. Everything will be fine..

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/group.php?gid=197979564877&ref=ts

Tantra homework in Buddhism.

Here's some advice, do not type 'Tantra' on it's own. 

It does not come up with that of Buddhism. Istead - sexual stff.

Hahahaaaaaaa. Silly me. No wonder Mr Wilson (an ACE teacher) told us it had something to do with 'sexy' things - Cue, his time to do some WEIRD actions - Hahaaaaaaaa.

Me and Hannah - Fail.

xD

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet

No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken

No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood

*Chorus*
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got

And they don’t know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes
 

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughing at God in hospital
No one’s laughing at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very
poor

No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God

Regina Spektor – Laughing With

A truely wonderful song. It makes you think.

'No one laughs at God'

Pasta Sauce!

Baked beans

A bit of chopped tomatoes

Mayonaise

Cream

Garlic puree

Tomato puree

Grated cheese

It is truely awesome. Even if Will says it's weird how I can put Mayo in it. Who cares, It Rocks!

Mmmm.

I looked into the mirror today.

I then stood on my bed so I could see my whole body clearly.

I smiled.

I've lost weight from my tummy.

I can now look slimmer.

SO happy

So to say thanks to myself, I made myself my AWESOME pasta (which has the craziest sauce - i'll post that later) And another coffee.

I know this won't help with losing weight, but you have to treat yourself once in a while. I've deserved it.

^.^

RAR

:D

I have decided to start again.

No, I will not start a fresh. No, I will not start a flaming diet.

Can you see me sticking to that? Because I sure can't.

But yes, it is pretty simple.

I'm wanting to smile. Heck, I smile a lot already. Even though I do tend to get upset and wound up and stressed and anxious and OH WHAT THE HECK! :L But, my point is, I'm actually wanting to perhaps try to spread it.

If that is even possible.

I know what people go through, and I am always there for them.

-HEAR THAT?- always.

But smiles are cute, every single one.

In fact, every one has an individual smile.

It's like winking.

I did this survey at school

Ok

It wasn't a survey, it was me asking round my friends to wink at me (giggles) and some look hilarious whilst some are just hot. Ehem. Moving on.

Mine is a bit 'spaztic' as Sophe called it. O.o It can't be that bad can it?

Moving back onto my main subject.

I want to see my dudes smiling more, because you're all gorgeous with it. Everyone is 'fuck-ugly' without 'em. Let's face it.

Just a grin, is all I ask of you. It's not that bad, I tell you.

I do like the fact that people do read these, I'd just like a few comments too (or is that too much?)

Nighty night night night. -XOX-

Is it weird to think, that the most beautiful part about me - if anything - is my hands.

This is what I think. One of the only things about my features I like.

- IT'S A SHAME THERE IS NO RED, JUST BLUE'S AND PURPLES -

It was such a beautiful day. (Even though it was Raining and snowing and hailing)

I saw Charis, she's still a bit too quiet for me. She needs to come out of her shell a bit. But she's still awesome. Then after she went to catch her bus and leave me, I bumped into Will and Katie (with their bags of WHO KNOWS WHAT) and then carried on on my own LOL :P

Then I saw Molly, but didn't see her for long (only a me seeing her, she didnt see me) O.o

And then saw Sean :D:D And text him telling him that. THEN bumped into the wonderful Molly again :L She's so amazingly awesome <3

 

And straight after the text, i sent to sean, he calls me :D:D and asks me where he was and i am now.. And so we meet up. I mean, he asked me ^.^ So we spent a couple of hours getting hyper off coffee and Mountain Dew. It was ACE. He taught me how to make flowers using paper. Seriously, he is hot, cute and a great friend.

It's a shame he's going off to the army next year AND has a gf. You know, I think he might have considered me. 

Meh, tis Saturday, don't forget that Harriet. Fingers crossed that that goes more than perfect for you (yn)  :D

FUCK THIS

I'm so pissed off. And I think it's because of Ethan.

He knows I'm upset. He knows I'm really upset. 

Ok, yes, he called me pretty, but that does not excuse the fact that he joined a group that was SO predjudise (YES I FUCKING NO IT'S SPELT WRONG)

'I Will Never Understand Why Guys Cheat On Pretty Girls With Ugly Ones.'

This was the group. I MEAN SERIOUSLY? I HATE IT. BITCHY ALL FOR NOTHING COWS. The not-so-pretty ones only get shit. (his cue for saying, 'it's not so bad for you. You are pretty') Fuck. No I AM NOT. and if i was, it doesn't mean i can't help out those who are being treated like dogs. It's disgusting.

And for all he knows, i could be upset because of something else. In my pm is - :'( I hate this - based on the fact it's ME who's losing HIM.

I hate his gf. She's taking him away. And I have no way of letting him know, in a way that EVERYONE else will know.

 We had such an awesome talk about silly things. I miss that now.

But anyway, the rest of my day was awesome =D

Ok. So Pancake day was originally meant to be spent with My Favourite Ellen and with her friend Ieuan (the guy I really like!) But that won't happen because apparently he's busy :(

But instead, I am going into the town of Lancaster avec Charis <3 what a beaut. She truely is. Inside and out. I haven't seen her in over 5 months! I know. That's long. Considering we're the best of facebook friends. She is my Pancake.

So it is Saturday with Ieuan and Ellen. I hope this won't cancel. I can't spend another month imagining something that won't happen. Only I know how mad my little brain ponders the thought of actually being with someone who cares. No. That's not fair. Adam did. Twice.

Oooooh. By the way bloggers (or btw if you must) I had a dream.

I know

Shocking!

I was hiding. This dude called Declan was in it, and he kissed me. I know! What the hell?! Why?

And then, I saw Tim (my ex-ex, who ate me up without realising) And he looked so different. Unrecognisable. He told me it was Tim. I hugged him. Trying to feel him again. He shrugged me off.

And I saw Ethan with that slut of a girlfriend (of course I won't tell him how I feel, because the rest of his friends have done that. I'm standing by him here) But yeah, he was there with her, and they stood on their own, looking at me pretending they weren't. As if they thought I was an interesting case of Rabies. [possible spelling error]

I didn't go up to them. What I did do in this dream, was hide. I hid throughout.

Could this have any meaning?

I can't stop crying. What's wrong with me?

Oopsy, made myself sick, again.

If Momma gives me a good Saturday, then my Tuesday will be even better.

I must go. (pancake day!) xD

Valentines Day means nothing to me.

Pancake Day however.. ;) Yum ;D Cannot wait.

Ieuan + Ellen + Me = three fat poopers :P Mm Pancakes!

So So Cute.

Falling asleep in my lessons.. Tut tut.

I blame the performances. I'm gonna miss it though.

I like being there and having people around, to simply get along with.

And after it's all done, everyone goes their separate ways.

But it is good. And I have now caught up on my sleep. Yay!

Oh, and Kaytee reads my things xD Haha. (won't find much, missy!)

Hell yeah!

My writing is coming along.

1657 words so far, about my fictional characters, 

Rosa and Leo. (May think of an older name for Leo though.)

SO happy about this.

Too bad about my school work, eh? Ha.

Who actually cares.... Apart from Momma... 

O.o

The feeling of having a friend fall for you is heart breaking in itself.

It is not the first time. But the second time this same person has done this. 

Next time I am not to get so close.

 

Does She Not Know How To Sit?

 

I Could Never Be This Neat

To smile:A facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision.
I'm sorry, but isn't it SO obvious.

I smile: To hide, sometimes. I'm a VERY smily person, mainly out of habit. It's polite to smile to someone, in recognition and in gesture. And so the other person is to smile back.
If they don't then I feel let down, and upset. I don't show that part. But inside, I'm melting. Falling, feeling embarrassed for making the effort, and upset for no reply. I hate it, despise it. I like to see people smile. Makes things seem la-di-da. You know, hippy happy, maaan. Jeez, all a smile is what is above. God, am I asking for too much. 
I smile too much. Is that even possible? Yep, I think so. I smile when I'm covering things up sometimes, like stress. I smile to everyone I know, even people I truely Hate.
How could I hate someone? If they're rude, impolite, snobby, cocky, or find a reaon to hurt me or someone else. When infact, there should be NO reason.
Apparently, if there were an award for the smiliest person, I'd get it. So thank you. I've never had an award.


Yesterday, in the maths room we all hang out at lunch, I was sat, out of the conversation a little, but staring off. Not smiling this time. And ofcourse someone notices and brings all the attention to me. I look depressed apparently.. thanks? Go away you poo-faces. I wanted to think about things. Am I not allowed to do that? Grrr.

Leo
The atmosphere changed dramatically.
    I couldn't tell if I was asleep or not, but I assumed so. I was no longer heavy and weak; I was as light as a feather, as they say. My feet were no longer touching the ground; I must have been flying.
    My dream was too vague to remember, but there was something I heard while I was lost in sleep.
    A heartbeat?
    I woke up fast, feeling the breeze on my cool neck. The wind whistled in my ears, a beautiful tune of peace.
    I could smell a perfume so familiar to me. I thought I was dreaming. But as I turned, I realised why I could smell that particular scent. My eyes opened wider in amazement to find my girl lying on her side, facing me. Her eyes were shut tightly, looking so graceful as she slept. Her locks of silk brown hair fell, covering one magnificent blue eye. She was breathing heavily, lost in a dream, I only wished I could see.
I missed this girl.
    I thought I had lost her, after everything. In fact, I thought that I had lost. Not only had I lost her, but everything I had worked for.
    She fluttered her eyelids, like butterflies wings, and her eyes stared into mine.
    She smiled. 
    She smiled the smile I saw so many months ago. That smile that made my stomach jump somersaults, the same smile that made my eyes crease at the sides. It also automatically made me smile.
    Her smile then changed to her neutral expression. ‘Shall we go? Maybe we could do this again sometime.’ She gave me the cheeky grin.
    ‘We had better go, to be honest. I bet you I’ve slept in too long.’
    ‘No, I think we had just the right amount of sleep, come on though, let’s go.’ She grabbed my hand and we sprinted through my room, passed the dorm, passed the ‘office’ and outside. Suddenly she pounced into the sky, letting go of my hand immediately. I followed shortly after and caught up with my graceful beauty, quickly grabbing her hand.
    We flew passed all the disaster that happened. We flew passed all of the memories. We were floating in our own promise to be with each other for as long as was possible..

Isn't it rather amazing.. You know.. Dreams. 

It's even better when you can hear them or see them.

I am talking about the sleep walking and talking people

I am one of these people, who cannot control what they do at certain times of the day (Sounds like a werewolf or something) But it's horrible. No control is a wicked thing. Like getting too drunk or too high. (I don't know about those. I've had no experience) But it's so.. different, you could do anything and not realise it. 

Imagine that power, of which you take away a human's control. It would ruin them. Maybe even ruin the people around them. (My thoughts are getting wild here, someone help)

My experiences of sleep-walking or talking normally come in two's.

I once walked into my Parent's room, in the middle of the night and began speaking to them. They knew i was out of it, because my voice was.. somewhat, changed. But i informed them that I had seen a toilet in my room. Then shouted it louder saying it was now in my bed.

Another time, I walked downstairs, passed my Dad, into the Kitchen. I came out holding lots of yogurts in my hands and placed them on the table infront of him. And then I went back to bed.

My other experience was walking down the stairs, passed my Dad again, but I started to rummage through all of our collection of Arts and Crafts (we're such a weird crafty family) And i plonked things on the table. 'What are you doing, sweetheart?' My dad asked. 'I really want to make something,' I said with huge determination on my face. 'What are you wanting to make?' 'I don't know'. I left the things there, and walked to the sofa and feel asleep. My dad told me everything.

I've also had dangerous sleep-walking experiences in unknown places.

This all started once I moved from the small Primary school, to the HUGE High school..

Will you have sexual intercourse within the next two weeks?

Not likely. i.e, no,

Do you think your ex still wants to be with you?

He told me he wanted me, but he's in a relationship. I don't want to be with him anyway.

Has a boyfriend/​​girlfriend ever put alcohol/drugs before you?

No. Thank goodness.

Do you honestly have feelings for someone at the moment?

Of course.

Do you like when people call you things like “baby”, “sweetie”, “hun”, etc?

Sweetie, yes.. The rest, no. Or maybe.. :S

Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed?

Oh my. Eurgh. I'd hate that.

Will this Friday be a good one?

Dancing.. So maybe.

Do you believe that love lasts forever?

Hopefully..

What’s wrong with you right now?

I can't tell if the person(s) I like feel the same way.

When will your next kiss be?

Tsch, I don't have a clue.

Who was the last person in bed with you?

Erm, I can't remember..

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?

I can be happy and said in the space of five minutes.

Are you wasting your time on someone?

God, I don't know.

What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion?

Passion.

What is the relationship between you and your number two?

Number two, as in best friend?

Where do you wish you were right now?

To live in Lancaster and go to school there.

When’s the last time you cried yourself to sleep?

Two night ago.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single?

Yes.

Have you ever broken anyone’s heart?

Apparently, But I don't believe them.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship?

Never.

Tell the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

The way he acted with me.

When was the last time you completely broke
Keep-Alive: 300
Connection: k

Erm, tends to be a) on my own and b) in my bedroom.

Is there a person that will always have a place in your heart?

Always.

Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment?

Yes, I do try.

Does someone like you right now?

Yes, We've decided it won't work.

Honestly, have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with J?

No.

Are you nice to the people you dislike?

Yes.

Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to?

Not my whole heart.

What are you excited for?

Seeing people once more <3

Honestly, what’s on your mind?

We've discussed this.

Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?

How did you know where I lived?

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?

I've decided no.

Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for?

Probably.

Have you ever really been in love?

I don't actually know.

Would you rather date someone who is extremely protective or not protective at all?

Not protective at all.

Are you a jealous person?

Not particularly.

Does sex mean love?

No.

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?

No.

Honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you?

Could I??

What’s something you really want right now?

Someone to hold me.

What was the first thing you did this morning?

I actually woke up this morning.

I have one HELL of a messed up brain. Am I proud of it? Sometimes. Not always of course.

I met two guys at the party:

Sean.

A lovely guy. A bit mad. A bit hyper (off all the energy drinks he fuels into his body) Cute.

Me and him got on very well. We played games, only him and me, Like slaps.. ^.^ Which was fun. I think he can tell I'm a childish person. Someone who likes to have some time to muck about and giggling at random things. He has facebook, and so we talk everyday, well everyday since the party. He has a girlfriend though. And I think they're happy. I haven't asked.. But he's the one who talks to me, which brings a smile to my lips. ANother bad point though, is that he's going to an army college. He obviously wants to go, But I have a fear bout such places.. He's going to take part in the dangerous life. The life I avoid contact with, the one i woosh away. And that also means that he'll be moving, moving away. Which sucks huge ASS..

Anyway, I met Ieuan.

Madder than Sean, protective.. not in an over the top way, as in he can take GOOD care of me.. (He knows I'm extremely clumsy) and just a lovable funny guy, who never fails to make me smile. I've met him once before, but too vaguely.

He helped me when I hurt my hand, he held me when he saw me looking a bit clueless. He swapped his band for my bracelet. He told me he'd promise to see me again, and we were also SO close to kissing, which sucks too.

And then there are people at school and other places.. Seriously, if I do go out with one of these guys, they'd better show me that they are my number one, and how much better they are from the rest, cos my mind won't take it if I still like other guys.. Unless I keep this quiet?

Hide and Seek - In the dark indoors.

 'Everybody, GO!'

Argh, where do I go.. I know, I'll follow Steven and Dan outside. No one else has thought of going outside.

'Heyyy! Can I get into the boot of your car, Dan?'

'Yeah! Go for it!'

Haha, No one will find me here!

'Dan, can you close the boot now?'

SLAM ARGH! What? 

Damn, My hand's stuck in the DOOR !!

'Dan, open up, QUICK!'

*Opens door*

*closes again*

'Dan.. I'm feeling too claustrophobic.. Open please.'

*Opens door*

Now where do I go? Inside! Okay.. Oh? Everyone been caught..

*Lights Up*

Oh crap.

'Ellen... I'm bleeding!'

Ieuan [pronounced- Yay-en] holds my hand gently and runs to the kitchen, we're still holding hands. He kisses it and puts it under the tap. Ellen is somewhere else. He looked after me that night. Hugging me when ever I did the sarcastic unhappy face. We swapped bracelets and so I have his Hug-Shag-Band and he has my dice bracelet that everyone loves. 'Until we meet again. I shall reward you with this and You will reward me with that.' So insane but lovable. Godammit. Falling a-fucking-gain. But heh, apparently he might like me too.. So close to kissing as well!

It sure is annoying when you want to kiss.. but can't because you're in public.. and you've only just met them. DAYM.

Ha, plus my bestfriend's brother, who's two years younger, and is cute, likes me too.. Ha.

IT'S 7TH GRADE..
I stared at the girl next to me... She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S JUNIOR YEAR..
My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... I Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S SENIOR YEAR..
The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neither of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...

IT'S PROM NIGHT..
After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S GRADUATION DAY..
A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER..
Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

YEARS PASSED..
I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... I wish I did too... I thought to myself and I cried...
rest in peace My Love.

No one ever reads this. No one gives a toss to be fair.

I have three followers. Yippee. Well, to be honest they're all great. Well the two people I know are anyway.

But I need to be reassured. I need to know that someone is actually listening.

I listen to people's issues. Don't get me wrong, that's okay for me, I can do that. I can always listen. And I can give advice if they want. I'm always there.
But if a guy comes up to me. A guy I don't know. A guy who has loads of issues and needs me to listen to them, then that is too much. It's unbarable. Not only do they tell me their problems, with family, girls, school, friends.. But also their friend's problems too. I can't take any more of this.
They're not the only ones with issues. Every teenager experiences these things. We're new to the idea of love, friendships are different to a young child's. Thinks seem to pressure the mind, but all we need to do is have one of your closest friends to talk to them about, or an acquantence at least.

I can take much more of him. He tells me his problems, they end up being mine too. I only slightly know him. But he is nothing like me. He annoys the hell out of me, but I can't tell him that.

This doesn't only happen with him, but a few other friends. Listen to someone else.

I long for someone to love me. For someone to hold me and I'll be their's. I long for a kiss, a sweet, heavenly kiss on the lips. A hold so tight, a wouldn't even try to let go. Does anyone know how much it hurts to stand and watch by as you walk off with someone else?

So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

What's the point in lying?

You want me, You don't.

You like it, you don't, then you like it.

One must be a lie.

Wind me up like a wind-up toy.

Let me loose and mayhem will be caused.

Tick, Tick, Boom!

hehe.

"Happiness is the secret to all beauty.

There is no beauty that is attractive

without happiness."

Christian Dior.

But it’s time for me to go home,

It’s getting late.

Dark outside.

Need to be with myself and centre:

Clarity, Peace, Serenity

THE GUY

who made my heart once jump somersaults, has

FAILED!

He did avoid me 

on purpose.

He expects us to be friends. I want us to be friends. But I can't. He betrayed our trust.

I had Emm on my back telling me to STOP stressing out. And I had Will (A friend) there too. <3 Some guys n' gals are just too great. 

x .Thank you so much. x

STOP

SEX TRAFFICKING

OF CHILDREN & YOUNG PEOPLE

thebodyshop.com/stop

This campaign made me think, and then cry. Please do something.

Because I've had a bad day.

Woke late for school, wrapped the presents, gave to Mom.

Get to school. All is okayish.

BTEC singing with the group, I burst into tears. Randomly. Tom hugs me LOADS. Comforting me as tears run down my face, mascara running.

My excuse: the songs make me cry. Tom: not convinced.

Get home from school.

And my brother has done wrong. Isolation AND exclusion on Monday.

He wrote on a piece of work (IT) that his friend, Mark (who is real) was a homosexual and died from Gingervitus (Not sure how to spell this unfamilliar word). He knows the meaning of the word, but he did it for a laugh. And now look at where he is now. 'Bullying' they called it. Even if his friend didn't see what Will had said about him. And plus Mum has to go into school on Tuesday and explain. 'Happy Birthday Mom'.

PLUS

The correct reason for his black eye, is not because he 'slipped' but because he put ice down his best friend's back, and then his friend shreaked in shock and swung his arm and hit him in the face. (And now HE is in isolation and excluded for the day - Because of 'Bullying')

And then I cried.

Will was shocked, 'Why are you crying, it's me in the wrong..?'

It was because I have been bullied at school FOUR times now. Three of these incidents I have told a teacher, the last one, I did not. This is what upset me. They didn't get into this amount of trouble, and my life is messed up because of them. My confidence went down through the floorboards (rather than up the roof) And their punishment was to apologise. How can they do such a harmful thing to me, and my brother and his friend get worse for doing NOTHING.

I can't stop crying.

Sorry Mom, I hope your birthday turns around.

Women say

"Men don't notice hair."

But they are wrong. Because,

They do!

Oh, I love it when James has his 'weird' obsession with my new hair cut. He wanted to know how I did it. He couldn't stop stroking it 'It's softer than yesterday, it's really nice.' 

Ha, I like my hair too. Nice 'n' short.

What a .. ehem .. lovely day  ^.^

Lunch avec Em (: Twas a normal lunch, eh? :]

Come home.. and whoa! I saw my brothers face!! (SUCH A LOL MOMENT)

He has a black eye.. well blue, swolen and huge. Sorry to offend but he looks asian. Like what I looke dlike as a baby, only it's the one eye.. first thought: what a fool he looks! Ha. second thought: In a fight? wouldn't surprise me, his mouth is so huge.. third thought: he's better than that, he must have been clumsy and slipped..

It was my third thought! Ha, he was running, slipped, hands outstretched, then they slipped, then he moved his face to the side and smacked the cheekbone. Well it's better than a broken nose though.

Sixth form meeting with Teachers, sixth formers, friends? Hm.. was quite good. All the teachers we spoke to thought i'd do really well.. Although we've cut English Lit out of the question.. I'm not gonna be able to do aall of THAT work! Maybe I'll do RS or Philosphy. Hm. Interesting.. Drama - WOO. IT - ID DO WELL!.. English Language - A new sort of thing, but I may do well. Mr McGregor remembered me and told mum I 'was' a good student. As did Mr Domingues + Mr Brown + Mrs Montgomery. Such great teachers.. (I sound geeky ;))
I'm so scared though. What if i'm not good enough. what if I fail the exams. What if?!?!


Meh, Mom said I was better at drama than Dance, which I was happy about! ^.^

But then we all argued about fish n chips at 9 30 in the evening, got stuck down an alleyway, Mum got cramp, and we came home starved. Plus the presentations by the teachers and students kinda sucked.. Monotonous, Long, Quiet.. Argh!
Good fun sat with Mom though. She kept nudging me, pretending she was asleep, Oh, everything was funny! Ha! I love my Mom.

Fuck, I come home, on my own. Fantastic, time on my own for fucking once! I'm on the PC, expecting people to call me. No one does. Mom (yes, i call her that) was meant to ring to ask me to put the stupid turkey in the oven.. She didn't. At all.

She comes home with the monster I call my brother.. Only he's more of a Bully. (Bruises are my evidence.. as well as scars and visits to the hospital) But yes. They come back.

'Have you put the Turkey on?'

'Have you cleared out the Fire?'

'I bet you've been on that bloody site Facebook all afternoon, haven't you?'

"NONONONONO"

Fuck, she's so predictable. She knows nothing about me. She thinks I'm really smart and just a little on the shy side.. Due to my HUGE lack of confidence.. Only me and her know about that, none of my friends know of that issue, and I am not planning to tell them. But WTH?

I get so stressed sometimes.. And so I decided to sulk.. Pathetic and childish? Yes, I know. But it worked. I shut my mouth, told my brother to fuck off.. which he will one day take revenge out on me for.. and just looked at Mom as if she'd told me a really old joke.. the 'oh really? thats old' look. Unimpressed.

Fuck, why do I get stressed? Work mainly. It's all a big shock, since when was I meant to start (or finish) my GCSEs? Sixth Form?? Since when? I'm at the age of 'legal sex' and that is pumped into my brain each time I enter the form room! Ach.. 'mememememe' they say! Selfish idiots. Well whatever. Go away please.

Changing forms next year and making new friends. Thank the LORD for that. :)

Hopefully I'll be able to take my anger out on my Acting skills.. Oh I wish I was that good for that industry. But everyone wants it.. So what AM I good at?

This is a random point of view.

Isn't it an odd sensation you experience: When you have eaten most of the icecream off the top, apart from the bits which escape and are inside the cone. You have to eat that part, or lick it out, which is the common reaction. But of course you feel weird, not only because of what you are doing (which is so different) but because someone might be watching you. However, they aren't the only feelings you get, you also feel pleasured with the taste of the icecream, and also the texture of the cone with the icecream.
A weird experience, a nice sensation, a lovely taste. (And by the way, I have just had some icecream)
But it's funny isn't it. 

Next thing you know: It's there, and then it's ALL gone. "Shame", you say, "I liked that."

What a busy day at school.. Whoa. I was shocked.. Lunch, no time to ourselves. 

I think - someone is popular, and it isn't me.

I'm sorry things didn't go to plan. If you don't want this to happen, just say. I'll try to understand.

Well I told my best friend. And things are looking fine. 8D

She's beautiful, wonderful, and hawt. (I've told her this) Funny, talented, and plus we get on! Score!



I can't wait for tomorrow, i'm also nervous too.. But sneaky is the key. God, school's a mess :L
I'd love to go over to your house after town, my love. You'll be the amazing one, i'll be the crap one.


Love you xxxxxx x)

Well my A-Levels seem to be sorted! At last! :D

English Literature

English Language

AS Drama!!

IT

Damn it, here's MY colour!

I'm a sixteen year old.. Ha (Feels odd to say such a thing) And I've admitted something to one of my best friends.. And on here too. Tsch, who cares, right?

But here it is, I'm Bi. There, said it! Phew. Stuff offa my mind. Now to keep this a secret from family members.. Now I have a perfectly good reason for this.

But yesh, said it!

So yeah, I spent half of my lunch with Emilyyy (: The other half was spent with my singing tutor.. (ha, she always tells me to breath) But yeah, Em was sat listening to some of it.. sneaky girl! :L Plus i hated the song I sang! Ha

Got home with WORK to do - DAMN school :'( And also Dad wants me to order mum something online, only no one knows what to buy her?

I have this feeling that I almost have a crush on everyone (and their pet.. but you don't need to know about that! Ha! ;D) but I fancy my best friends? Who does that? Just a little crush.. But what happens to crushes? You 'get' crushed! Yeah, and they won't have the same feelings.. Hm. I wish.

I enjoy to see your smile.

Badababaaaa!

It seems that Em has used a picture to use for her mood (Which is a fantabulous idea!) Although i wouldn't know what to put?

A mixture? Maybe! :)

Short but to the point!

Taken from Em, sorry for not asking. x

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People. (but don't say their name)

10. You're taking an interest into me, But you don't go any further than that..?
09. You listen to me, thank you :] I love you <3
08. I can't believe you did that to me! Walked away with no explanation. I am not going to forget this.
07. So so beautiful and talented, i wish you realised this. I love you.
06. I stopped being friends with you, based on the fact that if we were friends, you wanted more, and so you wouldn't stop bugging me. I'm sorry.
05. I have a teeny bit of a crush on you ^.^
04. All of a sudden you want to meet me, or see me at school and have a LONG chat, but I never see you, and you never reply to me.
03. One lovely girl - so many guy problems. Choose who you want to be with.
02. Such an ace dancer, and you wish to have me in your arms, then grab me!
01. I long to hear your voice once more.


Nine things about myself.

9. I won't tell my parents something.. Only one thing. They won't ever know.
8. I don't tend to drink.. at all. I like to be in control and have fun without something to help me.
7. I've only been out with two people..
6. I find so many people attractive.. I can't decide who wants me back.
5. I enjoy writing, lots. But will they get far? Unlikely.
4. I used to dance LOADS but now i do about 2 hours a week, and i am still unfit.
3. My confidence has been sucked down a deep hole, only to reappear once more.
2. I wish for someone to tell me they love me and always have.
1. I long for adventure.


Eight ways to win my heart.
8. Glances in a crowded place.
7. Huggable.
6. Easy to talk to.
5. Humourous.
4. Can tell me anything.
3. Confident.
2. Charming - haha :)
1. Loves me for who I am.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot.

7. What did i just do?
6. People close to my heart
5. inspirational shit to put in my novels.
4. Lyrics
3. The future
2. Do they like me?
1. Need to lose weight! - just to be fitter


Six things I do before I fall asleep

6. Brush the teeth
5. Mess up my hair
4. Phone/iPod on charge.
3. Remove all makeup.
2. Diary.
1. Writing.


Five people who mean a lot. (in no order whatsoever)

5. Ellen
4. Josh
3. Libby
2. Kirsty
1. Deanna


Four things you're wearing right now.

4. My new 'Whooga' uggs.
3. Grey skinnies.
2. Blue + blue hoody
1. Diesel purple top.


Three songs that you listen to often. (At the moment)

3. For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore
2. When I Get Home You're So Dead - Mayday Parade
1. Your Call - Secondhand Serenade

Two things you want to do before you die.

2. To be well known for something I do! (Acting - siging - writing)
1. Have someone!


One confession.

1. Erm, My brother landed me in hospital as i threw up blood over the staircase.

Reading Minds?

Okay, I was happy single, but i feel I need someone, I want that feeling again, that buzz you get in your stomach, the feeling in your heart, the twinkle back into my eyes.. I mean, the twinkle is still there with a few guys, at school even.. That never happens, and he's been there for as long as I have! Ha, how odd.. I just want to know if he shares the same feelings, and I know someone who might know. Are my hints not obvious, This is where i want to read minds! Please tell me!

Plus there's the french exchange boy, a bit younge rthan me, but quite good looking.. He's only just split up with a girl, but when he was with her, he promised me a kiss.. Ahh, that made me smile :L

Please Say! x

Feedback.

I was thinking to myself (quelle surprise) and thought.. 'Heh, i blog a fair bit, but does anyone read it?'... I know that the wonderful Em does (btw i'm really happy for you :D) But who else? I would love to know. I mean, if it's a complete stranger, then there is no harm in saying so.. But if it's a friend's friend's friend, who i have only ever seen, then yes, i still don't mind. I have no grudge, i mean, i read EVERYONE's blog because I am simply curious, and that's why they're there.. right? So yes, please speak up if you read this, i would LOVE to know. I have no enemies.. as far as I am aware :)

I'd love to read your feedback on my stories.. I have MORE instore. :)

Thankee you and Happy New Year, guys. x

New Year.

Okay, so I have decided that this year is to be my creative year:

One. Off to Ireland, on my own to visit the family, to babysit, to work at the salon, to help out with bits here and there, to cook for a few dinner parties, to shop everywhere.

Two. Started a new youtube account, this will be my third. This new account is to be used to upload the clips of my brother and my creations, using our artistic skills and also presentational skills. We're hoping to get many subscipters to join us.

Three. Writing my novels, I've already given you guys a few tasters, but there is much more that I have done.

Four. My art work. I need to do a bit more. I never took it as a GCSE and I regret that, but heh, it's a great hobby.

Five. Back to dancing this year again, more shows.

Six. Contact the nice drama lady at the Arts Centre and ask her very persuasively if I can join. I know they are full of people, but I need to, really.

Seven. My singing teacher wants me to try out different genres, worth a shot. Also there's the choir.

New years resolutions? I think not. These have all been started on. Cheers.

Back.

I am back from Ireland. I love that small island SO MUCH. I'm moving there when I can afford it.. (IF, seeing as everything costs a bundle..) But yeah, I'm back there after my exams, and then come home and then go back shortly after with my family for our holidays. We had three parties, I had three dresses, and now have shorter hair with an orange streak in it.. nice eh? :L

I've been quite creative over the holidays.. I've started about 5 novels.. Like intro's (the bits i enjoy to start) but now to finish.. Haha, oops.

I'm over him, once and FOR all. I've said this before.. But yes.